We understand that the HSE are about to bring a prosecution against Mr Claus on the basis of safety and environmental issues caused by his operations.

For those of you who may not have heard of him, Mr Claus operates an extremely successful courier service delivering seasonal gifts of various kinds on behalf of many well known retailers. In fact, he is so successful that he only operates in December each year when he is assisted by a team of highly skilled if vertically challenged helpers. The delivery system is highly secret, but seems to involve some sort of aircraft powered by Avian Quadrupeds (AQs).

The HSE’s concerns are as follows:

  • Organic waste dropped by the avian quadrupeds. No fatalities reported yet.
  • Failure to wear a seatbelt. Mr Claus argues that average delivery time of 0.0003 of a second would be impossible if he wore a seatbelt. As you may know, drivers of milk floats are exempt from the requirement to wear seatbelts
  • Failure to have a secondary means of propulsion in the event that the main system fails. Mr C argues that the AQs are totally silent, an essential for night time deliveries.
  • Refusal to be CRB checked given that the vast majority of his deliveries are to children and are made by unconventional method of entry at night
  • Refusal to register a flight plan with the Civil Aviation Authority

Happily, Mr C has his base somewhere in the Far North and the HSE people have yet to locate it & have been unable to serve the necessary court papers!